Why do smart people say and do seemingly dumb things? That question has a scientific answer with a simple solution. Just breathe! When emotions are running high and you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed or negative, your body sends out a variety of signals and chemical responses that actually inhibit your cortical (brain) function. Therefore, allowing stress and negative emotions to get in the way do in fact make it very difficult to make a rational decision.

We have all made decisions or acted in such a way that makes us wish we could go back and re-do them with a clearer head. Ending a first serious relationship is a perfect example of this. In most cases, emotions are running very high, you are upset, often scared to be alone, and do not want to hurt the other person. While in this state of mind, it is very difficult to make a decision and control your emotions, making you more confused, and instead of being able to decide what is the best decision, you toss and turn for weeks creating illusions in your mind. If in such a situation, you are able to step back, just breathe, and separate yourself from your emotions, your decision may be easier and less “painful”.

If you find it hard to separate yourself from your emotions, I find it helps to pretend my life is a movie I am watching. If I were watching the “lead character” react to the same situation I was encountering, how would I want her to act? Taking the personal element out and forgetting about all the people you are trying to please, often helps you make a “smarter” decision.
For a more everyday example, when I have been very upset, it has been easy to “react” instead of thinking about how to act in the most appropriate way. The key here is to approach such a situation with clarity and calmness, instead of reacting in fear, anger, etc… This may sound like common sense, but we do it every day! We allow our emotions to control us instead of taking control over our emotional reactions. We let spilled coffee ruin our morning or allow traffic to put us in a grumpy mood on the drive home. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. The easiest way to do so is to just breathe! Whether you are by yourself, or in the heat of an argument, just breathe!

This is why the act of meditation is so powerful… as so eloquently said in the movie Eat Pray Love, it allows people to select their thoughts and emotions as we do our clothes in the morning. It is not to say that we cannot be upset, but rather we should choose how long we will allow our moods to affect us, and which moods we would like to see more often. Enjoy the peaceful and happy moments you have in life, and turn the not so great ones into great ones as quickly as possible. Whether you are sitting by yourself or with people around, take multiple deep breaths, envision your breath circulating your body and surrounding your heart. The simple act of breathing will in fact regulate your autonomic nervous system, making it easier to control your reaction in response to whatever life throws at you.

It is remarkable to think that the simple act of intentionally breathing can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and get there faster than you would have ever imagined. The control is empowering and will help you stay true to who you are the majority of your day. So remember to take in the good moments and help the stressful moments pass by taking in deep breaths and envisioning the breath in your body and around your heart, for as long as you may need it! Try not to let your emotions get the best of you today! One moment at a time! You have the power to choose how you will react today.
And if you are still not convinced, you can take comfort in knowing that this tool is one of the most important routines elite athletes and military professionals use in battle, training, and competition.

Expectations… we all have them, but who put them there?  How are they working for you? If we did not place expectations on people, would we still get mad or disappointed in them?  What good do expectations have in our lives?

Why do we place so many expectations on ourselves and others, we are always expecting people to act a certain way, and when they don’t we get upset or judgmental.  Who are we to control others?  We have no control over anyone but ourselves, so why waste energy trying to mold the people around us, into the seemingly “perfect” people we want them to be?  Everyone was raised differently and has grown up in a different environment; therefore their natural tendencies are different from yours.  If we perceive people’s actions as hurtful whether, physically, emotionally, or mentally, we must tell them!  Our significant others, friends, and family members are not psychic, they do not know how to act according to the laws of your unique life!  It is only when we learn to communicate our needs, and accept others for who they are, can we really appreciate each other for everything we have to offer to one another.

Everyone has a different purpose in our lives and will be there for a specific amount of time, some for mere moments and others for years.  I have a really great friend who caused me a lot of grief.  I would get so upset that she was not dependable.  She would often cancel plans last minute, would not return phone calls, and would go on her daily life forgetting about others around her.  I guess I have painted this awful picture of her now, but she is a wonderful person.  She is a lot of fun to be around, always makes me laugh, and when I need a good night out, she is one of the best people to do it with! Once I accepted her for her purpose in my life, and stopped putting expectations on her to be someone she wasn’t – dependable – I was able to move our relationship forward.  I appreciate her for her true character that she brings to the table, and love her for who she is.  If a deal breaker for you is dependability, well then maybe this person would not be in your life anymore.  It is for you to decide where people fit in your life depending on your “criteria”. To help explain the concept further, I explain the difference between those in your “court”, “village” and or “outer-village”.  Depending on where each person lies, your interactions may vary.

Imagine yourself the king or queen of your town, and in your immediate court, you have those people who mean the most to you and those you need for guidance and to energize yourself.  Then you have those people in your village who are more acquaintances, who are simply in your life.  And then there are those who are not even in your village, those people who take energy from you and in fact drain you! These are the people you don’t need in your life for a long period of time.  Pay attention to those who keep you happy and vibrant, for those are the people you want closest to you in your “court”.
So decide on your deal breakers in lovers, friends, and family members.  Decide who you are going to keep around and who is draining more energy than they are worth.  Remember, people will always do what they want on their own terms and there is nothing you can do about it.  Therefore, if you make an active choice to keep people in your life, accept them for what they bring to the table.  As “the law of allowing” states, you must allow people to go about their journey the way they have decided.  Allow people to learn their lessons and live their life the way they want, without placing judgment or expectations on them.

This concept is very difficult, especially for me, being a coach and always wanting to help people reach their full potential and minimize pain and anguish. When I observe people doing things that seem detrimental to their well being, I am sincerely concerned and curious as to why they do the things they do.  It is sometimes hard for me not to jump in and want to help them find their way.  For all you helpers out there… we must learn to STOP and allow people to do it their way, just as you would want the same courtesy.  Like Frank Sinatra always used to say, and as I saw a lady boy sing in Thailand, “I did it my way!”

With the 2012 Academy Awards taking place this past weekend, I cannot help but think about what the career of an actor or actress would be like. Pretending to be another person, or exaggerating a characteristic about yourself in order to play a character. Truth is, I see people acting on a daily basis, free of charge. I think that there can be a time and place when acting in your daily life is appropriate; however, there is also a time when acting can be detrimental to your happiness.

Acting can be very harmful when people try to fool themselves into thinking they are happy with their lives, their job, and/or their relationships. It is normal to feel down sometimes, but what percentage of the time are you actually happy and being true to your values, needs and desires? There is a fine line between an illusion, and happiness. Some may even confuse them for being the same thing.

Are you A) happy with your job and are having a rough week, or B) should you leave your company and find another job more suited to your strengths? Are you A) happy in your relationship and realize it is only natural to fight with your significant other, or B) are you not a good match and need someone else who compliments you and enables you to bring out the best qualities in each other? Many people get confused between whether they are sitting in column A) or B).

Your goal should be to make sure that you are in column A), just going through a rough period in a life well suited to your personality and personal dreams, as opposed to B) living a life which does not leave you feeling fulfilled but rather feeling mediocre and curious as to what else there is out there, and what else you can do to make yourself happy. When you look at the things that make you upset on a daily basis, can the situation be changed? Why does the situation upset you and why do you stay in it? Does it align with your morals and values and what you want out of life? Are you being true to what you really want or have you allowed others to tell you what is right for your life?

Discovering your needs and what makes you happy is an ongoing dynamic process. Throughout the journey we all have unproductive days, encounter the feeling of defeat and must engage in situations that we dread. During these downtimes, your thoughts, words and actions are crucial. Whether you say you will succeed or you won’t, you are right. My roommate and I in university did an experiment with this concept, with regards to exams. Obviously nothing about studying and writing exams is enjoyable, except having them done! Nevertheless, every time we needed to study, we slapped a big smile on our faces, had pep in our voices and let out a big sheer saying, “Yes, I have to go study now, this is my favourite time of the day.” Although this was not a true statement, our words and actions made studying not feel so dreadful, and created a very different body response than if we were to have said with a frown and an upset tone “ahhhh, I have to go study, I hate studying, I really wish I could be doing something else right now.”

Reality is, your body does not know if your mind is creating an experience or if you are experiencing it for real. Therefore, you have the power to choose how you would like to feel at a precise moment. No matter what you start out believing, if you say, think and feel long enough you will start to believe it. With that being said, acting can be very helpful when you are not feeling yourself and need a turn around. Your internal dialogue, words and actions manifest your destiny. Fake it until you make it! What shows your true strength is how quickly you are able to shake out of your uneasy state of being and faking it will turn around your down times in half the time!

Best actor award goes to… (YOUR NAME) for always being confident in myself, believing I can do anything I set my mind to, having the courage to follow my dreams and career goals, pursuing a healthy lifestyle and knowing I am a beautiful person. To always knowing I will make something of myself and live to my full potential.

What affirmations will you choose to live by? Every morning you awake to a decision of how you will view the world that day. Make the choice and act in a way that you admire, even if you do not believe it at first. This type of acting I will fully endorse at all times of the day. This kind of acting and strength is what should be awarded in a ceremony of itself!