It is not groundbreaking to state that we live in fast passed world that seems to get faster and faster every day. However, with more things to do, in what seems to be a less amount of time, it is ever more important to allocate value to the elements in our lives. Since we cannot all be the road runner, nor have super powers, energy management and understanding what is really important to us, will help us to feel less drained and more satisfied at the end of the day.

I start by asking you to answer these seemingly “simple” questions. Although these questions may seem simple, answering these questions takes time and an understanding of your life and core values. Please note that the answers to these questions will change over time, maybe even week to week. This is not because you are indecisive or should be put into a straight jacket, but rather because you are human. Circumstances change, you gain more knowledge and core values need to be re-evaluated.

• What are your core values? (What is important to you? What really matters?)
• Which core values are you living? What percentage of the day are you living them?
• What core values are you not living? What is stopping you from living them?

Core values are so important to evaluate, as they can be considered assets (+) that add value to your life. If you were to live by your core values, 90-100% of the time, think of how satisfied you would be and how much energy you would have! Great scenario isn’t it!?

Try to envision your life scenarios on a scale; inclusive of friendships, relationships, extracurricular activities, jobs, etc. Is there an equal give and take? Do you get out as much, if not more, energy than you put in? Is the scenario considered an asset (+) or deficit (-) in my life?

We all have those friends with whom it seems impossible to get a hold of! It takes forever for them to respond to a phone call, therefore, taking days to actually make plans. They often cancel and reschedule planned coffee dates, and you always seem to be the one reaching out. If it weren’t for you, you would go months without hearing from them. Why do you allow this person to take energy out of you? If any, put in as much effort as you receive from the other person.

Or let’s paint this scenario, you have a hard time saying no, so you agree to attend an extracurricular class with a friend that you really do not have the money or time for. You dread going every week, and you cannot wait for it to finish. If you cannot find a way to add value to the “task”; I ask you “why am I doing this in the first place?”

You cannot complain of having no energy and no time if you do not take control over the things that add no value to your life. However, to determine what does not add value to your life, you have to know what does add value and what your core values are. Therefore, determine your core values and ask yourself “why do I engage in the things that do not align with my core values, in addition to those things that drain my energy?” When you say YES to something that may not align with your values and is a deficit (-) in your life, you are in fact saying NO to a potential asset (+) to your life.

To give your life meaning, you must determine what is meaningful to you. Life is short, so spend time doing the things that you want to do and that add value. If you choose to do nothing about the things that do not add meaning to your life, your only choice is to keep your lips sealed about it. It is hard to have sympathy for those that will not even help themselves. What are you going to do today to help yourself?

It is true what they say in life and in business, “it is all who you know”!  Who do you know?  How did you meet them?

I define a node as a person who is gifted at meeting new people everywhere they go, facilitating introductions and connecting others to one another and.  Nodes are strategically positioned in the center of a bicycle wheel, connecting all of the spokes (people) in their wheel (network) together; enabling the wheel to get stronger and more stable.  If you envision yourself as a node in the center of a mind map, imagine the possibilities of how large you can extend your map/network.

It is the same in your business and personal relationships; you often make the best connections in the most unexpected places.  I met my boyfriend through a friend at a concert, my best friend at a university party, and my mentor at a tennis cocktail party.  I didn’t expect to meet any of these people, but the point is I got out there and interacted.

Who needs to attend contrived networking sessions when you are surrounded by people every day.  Networking sessions are exhausting, expensive and a lot of pressure.  There is something about having the expectation that I must network… it makes me not want to network (I am stubborn I know! Hahaha) I am not saying networking sessions are bad, because they aren’t; however, they are unnecessary if you get to know the people around you every day.

To meet people out of your network, get talking to people everywhere you go.  Make a goal for yourself to let’s say: talk to 1 person per day or 3 people per week.  You can meet people in the elevator, at the grocery store, at a restaurant, at a bar.  If you are shy, a simple smile and “hi my name is” will often break the ice.  It sounds like I am a dating coach!  But in all seriousness, it works.

To meet people in your network, get talking.  6 degrees of separation holds true, therefore, you never know who people know.

Therefore, to meet people out of your network and to meet people in your network you must get talking.  Moral of the story, START talking.  However, to most effectively build your network, you need to know what goal you are trying to reach.  Just like when you approach a problem, you have an end goal, the same goes for networking.   What is your purpose?

• Get more clients for your business
• Meet a spouse
• Find a job
• Make more friends
• Make more enemies (I suggest not choosing this approach! Haha)

Your purpose may change, but the point is that you are still acting as node to strengthen your wheel (network).

The first part of being a node was to increase your network through the people you know and the people you do not know (as explained above).  The second part of being a node is to connect people in your network to one another.  The competitive side in some of you may come out at this point in time and say “may the best man/woman win”!  However, I do admit that your approach may vary depending on the relationship terms and situation, for example, whether it be a friendship, colleague, acquaintance, or business partner. So hear me out…

I will start by asking you if you appreciate when others connect you to people.  Do you appreciate the nodes in your life?  Well then that is simple, if you appreciate when others connect you, why wouldn’t you do the same for others?

If you knew someone that needed assistance, would you help and make a connection?  If yes, others will often do the same.  If no, others will often do the same.   So let’s play a little game of monkey see, monkey do.  Try to be the example. In many cases you connect others in hopes that they will return the favor and connect you when needed.  If this “mutually beneficial” relationship does not occur, especially in a business context, then it is safe to say you can/should get out.  You can’t say you didn’t try.  It can sometimes be frustrating, but if you want to be connected to others, you often have to be the first one to establish that “working” relationship.  Connecting others opens possibilities for you professionally and personally, strengthens relationships, builds trust and respect, and creates goodwill for yourself.

Characteristics of a node:

• Be open with what you need, you never know who will help you.
• Volunteer your contacts to others; it will come back to you.
• When seeing someone you know on the street, introduce them to the people you are with.
• Invite different groups of people out to the same event, connect your friends together.
• Be the person that your friend can take anywhere.  It is no fun taking someone to an event that you know you will have to babysit.

• Initiate conversation with people you do not know.
• Have a smile on your face and be approachable.  Being approachable also means dressing the part.
• Watch swear words and inappropriate comments.  They may offend others.

Life is hard enough; we do not need to make enemies. The more people that can help us along our journey, the easier it will be. Lend a helping hand to others, and help you will get in return.

As a child my mother always told me to ask for what I want. If I do not ask for what I want, I can never receive it. And what do you know, my mother was a wise women! If you ask for what you want, and do not receive it, you are no worse off than you were before you asked. However, if you ask and you do receive, you are better off for asking.

This strategy applies on so many levels; whether you are asking for your boss for a promotion, colleagues for extra help with a project, the airline for an upgrade, the waiter for a discount on a poorly cooked meal, or the bouncer for free entry into a night club. As outlined, this strategy can be applied to your relationship with your significant other, friends, boss, colleagues, or even your interactions with complete strangers.

Take one of my friends for example. It was the week before Valentine’s day and I casually asked her what her and her boyfriend were going to be doing for the special day. She grunted and said she didn’t want to talk about it! I probed her a bit more to find out that her boyfriend wasn’t taking initiative and planning something, but rather kept asking her what she wanted to do. This upset her because she likes surprises and wanted him to plan a great day for the two of them! I asked her if she had talked to him about it and suggested that she ask him to take initiative and plan it himself! (in a polite sugar coated by of course! hahaha) And well she responded by saying “I don’t want to tell him to plan valentine’s day, he should know that he should be the one doing it! I almost want him to mess up so I can get mad at him and then he will learn for the future.” Sounds funny when you hear another woman saying it, but we all do it! You cannot assume he will just know! You have to tell him what you want. What good is it going to do to watch him mess up and get mad at him. Wouldn’t it just be better to tell him what you want so you can receive it?? So she took my advice and told him “ I would really like you to take the lead and plan the weekend for us, I really like surprises!, winky face!” Sure enough he said, sure dear! And that was that. My friend had created all this drama for nothing and when she asked for what she wanted, it was granted to her. She has a great boyfriend, but that goes to show you the power of asking.

Asking your friends, family or significant others is can be different than asking a complete stranger and may give people a lot of anxiety. You do not need to be rude, arrogant, or act as though you are better than anyone, in order to receive “special” treatment. If you are sincere, polite, and are okay with the fact that you may not get anything, this attitude will come across in a non-threatening way. For example, when waiting in the cold in order to get into a popular night club, I would simply go up to the bouncer, and say “ Hi, how are you? I am with 5 of my friends and we are wondering if there is anything you can do to get us in?” You would be surprised how often that works!! People will give you things if you ask for them! Trust me! However, you cannot be discouraged by those times where you do not receive the things you want.

Assume you can get what you want! You have to believe it, enough for it to come true. Those people who think, “Oh we can’t do that! I am not good enough! I could never get way with that! We are going to get in trouble!!” never ended up getting anything! What is the worst that could happen!?? Believe you will be that feisty girl or confident guy who gets what you want! You deserve it! Of course, you have to know what you want in order to ask for it… but that is another issue all together!! So get out there and be confident in going after what you want! Make things happen for yourself. Take this lesson and think of the top 5 things you want, wish you would have and or want to ask for.

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GO GET EM!